Shah Rukh’s emotional confession
Keith D’Costa
Like his favourite historical figure Napoleon Bonaparte, Shah Rukh Khan is a paragon of contradictions. He is on top despite the recent series of flops. He puts down an Amitabh Bachchan film despite adoring the man. He is easily hurt despite seeming like a carefree guy. He loves his beautiful co-stars but is not attracted to them. Despite having a host of hangers-on, he has only a few friends. You would think that given his current number one status, he would be the most reliable guy, but trust me, he is not.
To begin on a somewhat combative note, if you were part of the jury of a recent awards panel, would you have given the Best Actor award to Aamir Khan for Rangeela or to yourself for Ram Jaane?
"I think I would have given myself the Best Actor award for Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge instead. They didn't include him."
We only ask about Rangeela and Ram Jaane!
"Then I would give Aamir the award for Rangeela."
Would you? How do you feel then about getting the award for Ram Jaane?
"I am very happy that I got the award. As an actor, I deserved it. I think my performance in Ram Jaane was good. I am very proud that I got it. You cannot take that away from me. If I had been part of the jury, I might have felt differently. Being a modern-minded person, I would have applauded Aamir's performance in Rangeela. I liked the film. That is the kind of cinema that people should be making in India today. Taking all that into account, I would support such films. Films like Ram Jaane have come before. I am not so magnanimous as to say, 'No, I did not deserve an award'. I love awards. As an actor, it is my birthright to get awards."
Even if your films are not successful?
"Ram Jaane was successful. Maybe it was written off as a failure because people thought Shah Rukh Khan was becoming too successful. In fact, it was called a flop even before its release. The target audience was very different. It was meant for the masses. Take me anywhere and you will see people shouting Ram Jaane at me or repeating my character's dialogues. They don't shout at me because Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge is the biggest hit of all time. I was very highly appreciated in that film and I became a bigger star too."
Leaning back on the couch, he cites another example. "It also happened when I was with Karan Johar in Jaipur. Everyone kept repeating my dialogues from Ram Jaane. At first I thought they were saying something bad about Pooja. It was not a big hit with the people who watch videos. In fact, it was not a hit with the film magazines either. In the surveys of various magazines, you don't see even Govinda's name appearing. This again shows who the readers are. This is also the reason why Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge is such a hit with a certain section of the audience."
Not so long ago, you got into some trouble with the Catholic Association for what you did in the church scene in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge.
"Yes, they wrote to the producer. That is incredibly strange. I even got a slap on the wrist for contempt of law. There were a lot of cases against me. Now I have added a clause that whatever I do or say in a film cannot be directed at me. It has to be directed at the producer. I got several arrest warrants for Ram Jaane issued in Ajmer and Jaipur. I was just joking about it the other day. With the number of arrest warrants issued against Mamta Kulkarni and me, we will soon become very good friends, meeting every day in court!"
You used to be extremely brash...
"I was never brash. It was OK to think I was. There was nothing else that could be pinned on the star called Shah Rukh Khan. That's how I've always been. I've always spoken my mind. Maybe now people are less afraid to bring out my brashness. Maybe because I've become a bigger star people feel it's permissible. Back then people felt I had no reason to be brash because I hadn't proven myself yet. I was seen as an upstart. Now that I've been here long enough people feel I have to be a little brash. It's part of my role as a star. Other than that I haven't changed. I'll still smack anyone who upsets me."
So you haven't become softer or have you learned to be diplomatic?
"You become softer with age. As far as diplomacy goes, I can't be. I'm diplomatic enough to advance my career. Besides, I'm not a hypocrite."
For a while, Anil Kapoor and you have been on this 'we hate each other' crusade. Did you both decide to do this as a publicity stunt for Trimurti?
"I never had a problem with Anil Kapoor. Even when I walked out of a film he was in - Deewan Mastana - people thought I had a problem. In fact, I didn't really know him then. Now, of course, I do. Consequently, if you don't have a controversy with me and a girl, you might as well have it with a guy."
I was referring to an incident that apparently took place when Vinod Chopra was casting for 1942-A Love Story. At the first meeting with Shah Rukh, Anil, in his usual authoritative manner, told Shah Rukh to meet Vinod Chopra and that he was ideal for the second lead role. This reportedly annoyed the young Khan to no end, who walked out angrily.
"It was not like that at all. I first met Anil on the sets of Benaam Badshah. I was a newbie then, so he told me to meet Vinod Chopra. I would do the same for another newbie. I don't want to denigrate his talent. He did it purely out of the goodness of his heart. Even now he says it, 'I told you about the role first'. As for Anil, I think he is responsible for my success. Back then he suggested my name for another film too. I never held it against him. He supported me as he was a big star."
There is definitely a more sensitive side to you that I think you like to hide at times with this 'I'm a clown' image. Why are you afraid to show it?
"I'm a very sensitive person. You of all people should know that. You can't say I'm boisterous. I've never claimed not to be sensitive. I'd be a fool to convince anyone that I'm not. I'd never be such a good actor if I wasn't sensitive. I think I'm better than mediocre as an actor. To be that, you have to be sensitive. I get hurt very easily, so I don't let people get close to me. That's why I joke around and have a good time. I'd like to get close to a lot of people, but I'm afraid of getting hurt."
You seem to be very cautious.
"Yes. I don't like being hurt. I have had many sad moments in my life. Sometimes even small things hurt me. I cry very easily. I am very emotional. If Gauri or my sister say something to me that I don't like, I get very hurt, very upset."
So you are not afraid to cry?
"No. Crying is the manliest thing a man can do. I know people say the opposite. It is more manly to think that you are still a man after crying. I don't hide my tears, I get hurt very easily, hence this whole pretense of being a funny guy. I can solve other people's problems but I don't like having a problem myself. I don't try to hide my sensitivity behind a clown image. Like everyone else, I am very sensitive and vulnerable. You can feel my sensitivity even in films like Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, Kabhi Haa Kabhi Naa or even in Darr. If you can do that successfully, it means I understand the feeling."
Addressing the point that you hate getting close to people for fear of getting hurt, who would you call a friend in the industry, in the true meaning of the word?
"If you can call Chikki Pandey (Chunky's brother) a part of the industry, then he is my friend."
Is he someone you can trust?
"Look, I have many close colleagues. I like them all. Friendship doesn't make friends. I am very close to Salman. It seems so strange that when you work in an industry, everyone seems very friendly. I can also trust Mr. Ghai, or Mr. Yash Chopra. In my age group, it would be Aditya Chopra and Karan Johar. But I have known Chikki for a very long time, even before I became a star. Without any material ties, it would be Aziz Mirza. I consider him my father. Rajiv Mehra is very close to me. Work always somehow gets in the way. Bikash is a school friend I grew up with. I don't have anyone like him in the industry. This kind of friendship doesn't happen overnight. I guess you can call the people I have listed my friends in the industry. They wouldn't wish me any harm, nor I to them. So they are friends."
However, this time you seem to have hit the jackpot in the industry. The 'never controversial man' seems to be in the middle of one. People are singling you out as the 'one' guy who turned down Bachchan. Is it true that you walked out of Indra Kumar's film and were replaced by Aamir?
"Yes, I was very keen to do the film. They too were keen to do it. Unfortunately, I couldn't. I had a long conversation with Mr. Bachchan and explained my situation to him. I didn't have time available. If it had to be launched earlier, I wouldn't have been able to do it. It would have been wrong as I was postponing Yash Chopra and Subhash Ghai's films. Also, I wanted to reduce my work. I want to do only nine films in the two years. I want to distribute my films and do quality work. I also requested Mr. Bachchan to postpone this film. They relented because they knew I would stick to my work. But I gave them the go-ahead. I will do another film for ABCL. It will release a year later and will be directed by Abbas-Mustan. I would give my whole life to work with Mr. Bachchan. Apart from being a difficult decision, it was also a sad one. Not only for Mr. Bachchan but also because it is directed by Indra Kumar and has Madhuri Dixit in the lead role. It will be a fantastic film. I felt that with my shooting schedule, I would have ruined this film and others in production. I cannot do something like that. I could have managed it by shooting 18 hours a day but then I would not have done justice to it. So I don't want to do it. When I explained this in detail to Jaya and Amitabh Bachchan, they both said, 'Don't let anyone abuse you, including us'. That was nice of them. They understood me. Now you might say that my loss is Aamir's gain. But it is not so serious that I am the only man to leave Mr. Bachchan. I don't have that. I'm doing one of his other films."
You are either busy shooting or playing computer games or partying. Why do you feel this compulsive need to keep yourself busy? You seem like a restless soul.
"Exactly what Gauri says, I have to do something all the time. I don't find time to sit down and think. If I did, I would feel very lonely. It is one of my ways of hiding my sensitivity. If you are always busy, you exhaust yourself and then go to sleep. I avoid reality. Nobody likes to see me sad. Whenever I am alone, I dwell on the past. This gives me bad and sad thoughts. I don't like that and that is why I keep myself busy. I cannot just sit down and relax. I cannot do that. I must be sick. Mr. Mahesh Bhatt says workaholism is a disease like alcoholism. I agree with him. I am sick. I cannot sleep. I like to work. Even on a vacation with friends, I do not rest because I want to watch films or play games. They let me do whatever I want while they rest. Gauri often tells me to rest. I can't. She also calls me the most restless soul. I never figured out why I do it, but I have always been like that, even as a child. If I rested like everyone else, it would be boring because it would be normal. For me, normal is boring. I like to exaggerate."
Do you believe in planning for the future? Or do you just live for the moment?
"You can plan anything you want, but it will not happen according to your plans. So I don't plan, I live for the moment. Besides, who knows whether I will be alive or not. If you don't plan, it reduces the chances of disappointment. My life is planned for the next year and a half where I will be between nine to six every day. I hate that. Even in that, something is bound to go wrong. Planning is so normal and normal is boring. My wife is a very good planner. She does it for both of us. Gauri knows how to make her plans happen. Like this party of mine. I don't have to worry about anything."
Regardless of what you just said, what are your most reliable qualities, if any?
"That I will always disappoint people. You can count on that happening! You can count on that! You can count on the fact that I will never be reliable! Nobody can rely on me. I am completely unreliable. If you think I am going to do something today, you can be 100 percent sure that I will not. That I am irregular. I will be irregular on a regular basis. I make no apologies for that. That is who I am. I do whatever I feel like doing in that moment. That is a special Shah Rukh Khan quality that I cannot be reliable. That is the plain truth. Call me naive or whatever. I don't want anyone to depend on me. I am heavily dependent on my wife, sister and dog and vice versa."
Although it is not a pleasant thought, if Gauri were to find happiness with someone else tomorrow, would you be objective and let her go? Or would you be too desperate to even consider it?
"I would definitely be desperate. The thought of letting Gauri go would destroy me. I would do everything in my power to stop her. Then I would argue logically with her. Logically, I am sure I could hold her back. If she left me, it would make me even more of a hermit. It would be the saddest moment of my life. Even sadder than the death of my parents. And if you ask me, I don't think I would be happier with anyone else than Gauri."
How do you control yourself when you are dealing with so many beautiful colleagues? Don't you find yourself attracted to them sooner or later?
I know many actors who say that, but then they are not actors, they are stars. I don't have to fall in love with a girl to portray my love for her. If I start doing at home with my wife what I do on screen with my heroines, she will kick my ass. Besides, it is ugly and stupid. Let's put it this way. I see so much beauty around me that I get used to it. I never get to know my colleagues personally. I only know them as beautiful actresses. I am used to it. If any of the actresses start liking me, it is because of how they see me on the sets. They have not seen me in my personal life. I don't think I would find happiness anywhere else. Gauri knew me before I went into films.
If you ask me if I would choose a... or brains, I would choose peace of mind."
What do you miss most when you sometimes think back to your life in Delhi?
"Only my parents, nothing else. My wife and my sister are here with me. It's just like Delhi."
Can you leave the past behind you yet?
"You can't really. The only race a person loses is the race against his past. It will always come back and catch up with you. You can't run away from your past. There's no point in trying. I'm convinced of that."
When Shah Rukh puts it like that, you can't help but agree. The past always looks better than it was because it isn't there! That's exactly why Shah Rukh prefers to live for the moment rather than dwelling on the past or planning for the future!