Please God, don’t take it away
Nilufer Qureshi
It's official: Chalte Chalte is the biggest hit of the year so far. And Shah Rukh Khan is breathing a sigh of relief after the whole mess his home production got into. The aftereffects of his neck surgery remain, but the actor seems oblivious to the nagging pain when I meet him on the sets of Main Hoon Na. He answers every question without the slightest hesitation.
Filming is over, he's ready to jet off to London for another investigation. And yet a number of TV channels are getting their interviews, overzealous producers are managing to get his attention. What he has little of at the moment is time. But he's not complaining. And between successive takes, he answers a few questions while downing dizzying amounts of coffee and smoking a staggering number of cigarettes.
Did you think Chalte Chalte would be such a big hit?
(Laughs) We've gotten used to not making successful films, so we're still amazed by this success. I really felt it would be good, mainly because it had a wider appeal. What I mean is - if I say we're making a film about the negative effect of commercialisation of the media or about the essence of peace that comes from violence, it sounds intellectual, but the appeal is limited. But if I say we're making a love story about a married couple, it's easier to understand and the appeal is wider. I also knew that if the music was successful, it would be a good, successful film. Now, at this point in time when we're talking, it's better than a good hit film, it's considered the biggest hit of the year.
The saying 'All's well that ends well' really applies to the film, doesn't it?
When we were shooting for the film, Aziz (Mirza) told me, 'Allah iss picture ko dekh raha hai.' (Allah is looking at this film???) So many things we did were done because we had no choice, including changing the actress. The film could have dragged on for another eight months and could have become redundant by then. This film came after Devdas, if I had taken longer, another film of mine would have come in between. We wrapped it up early as I had injured myself and we had to finish it before I went for surgery. There were a lot of problems especially for Aziz as his wife was in ICU all the time. Also, I was in constant pain due to my injury.As an actor, I am lucky as I have films that have been successful one after another.
Many people felt that Chalte Chalte reminded them of Saathiya. Would you agree?
I think that is stupid. My answer to those people is 'Yes, we are fools to make this film. Since Saathiya was a hit, we decided to make a film with the same storyline as we needed a hit. And we took Rani so that people could compare even more and we took a smaller film hero - me.'
Joking aside, I think they are wrong, these are two different films. Both Aziz and Juhi had seen Alai Payuthe (the Tamil original), if they feel it was not the same, then it is not the same. For that matter, I myself have not seen Saathiya or Shakti as (grins) I don't watch the films in which I have made a cameo.
During recent TV interviews, you were quite disparaging towards the film critics. How come?
(Chuckles) It was just a gesture, I made a face. But honestly, I would like to thank the media on the whole, I think they have been nicer to the film than it deserved.
I have no problems with the critics either. See, it is not personal. My logic is that unless you make a film, you have no right to criticise one. And if you make a film, you have no right to criticise without a reason. Is Shobhaa De a critic? When she writes about a film, I am a little confused. I don't think it is in the interest of good taste for columnists like her to use their personal likes or dislikes to criticise a film. In my opinion, critics are people who watch films and should give you reviews that will help you make a better film next time. I have this book by Anthony Lane, who was a wonderful film reviewer, even if he was nasty at times. But at the end of the day, it's constructive criticism.
Does it bother you when people say you are not good in a film?
Recognition is something I like. I no longer believe everyone who says I am not acting well enough. I am not pompous but I think I know more about acting than someone who wants to comment on my performance. Unless it happens to be Amitabh Bachchan, Aamir Khan or directors like Mani Ratnam, Yash and Aditya Chopra or Karan Johar. Those people I would take seriously as they know their job. I
find it odd when people tell me I am the same in every film. What do they assume I am doing? Growing a third hand or having two noses? I have never made any claim that I will be different in every film. In fact, I say, if anyone asks me about my acting, I have five expressions. I said this eight years ago and honestly, they have not changed in the last eight years. If I have the same kind of character to play, I will be the same.
I also found it strange when Vyjayantimala said that I played myself in Devdas. She doesn't even know me. I thought I was quite different in Devdas... maybe I'm not good enough. I really want to believe that I'm different in every film, but maybe I'm not objective enough.
Have you fully recovered from your operation?
I really don't know. I won't know if it still hurts until I start working normally. At the moment I don't feel well in the mornings, I get headaches and neck pain, but it gets better in the evenings. The physical recovery period will take another five to six months. During this period I need to mentally get used to the idea that I can do anything without being afraid. I need to slowly build up my confidence. So I'll start with small dance steps, then hug the movie heroines, then do a running sequence, and then an action scene!
What is your priority right now?
My health - because of my children. So the priority would actually be the children. I need to make sure I get healthy next year so I can be with them a little longer. Everything else is secondary.
As it stands, I have bad habits - I don't sleep well. I smoke too much and I have too many injuries. It's time for me to finish my current commitments and then slow down. Finishing my commitments will take another year from today.
I need to slow down a little because I still have a health problem. Maybe I'll be absolutely OK in the next six months. But I think this injury will stay with me for a longer time. I've had a knee injury, so the knee hurts. I've had ankle surgery, so the ankle hurts. So if I'm in pain from head to toe, I need to be careful.
I've worked consistently and persistently for the last 12 years. I need to ease up a bit until my kids are at least 10-12 years old.
When you look at everything that life has given you, have you developed a philosophy about why some people are blessed with abundance and others are left with nothing?
Yes, I have, but I don't want to philosophize because I'm afraid of it. As far as I know - and I think I know - I'm afraid that God will take it away. I believe it's a random method - he just chooses and gives or doesn't give. That's very sad. But you can't be sad because the reason you're here is not sad, you should thank him and be happy about it. Even now, when I say that God has given me so much, I try to ignore any thoughts that God plans to take it away. I feel humbled by it, so please God, don't take it away.
At one time I thought that because God took my parents away from me, He would give me more in return. This may sound strange, but He gave me much more in exchange for robbing me of my parents. He gave me two children, a family and the whole world on a silver platter. It's shocking - you don't get it because of hard work or luck, you don't get it because you're good looking or because of your films or because you're in the right place at the right time.
I didn't get it because the 90s were a time when someone with awkward looks or my style of acting was accepted. I think he just gives it indiscriminately. It's foolish of me to think it's because of me. He gave it and gave me the will to work hard to prove myself again and again. He gave me enough for two lifetimes. I don't think I deserve it but I'm extremely grateful and very God fearing. He gives and he takes. One random morning he puts a red flag and says enough is enough and decides to take it away.
Surrounded by so much, can simple things still make you happy?
Actually, only simple things make me happy. Like toys, a good book, or a walk in Hyde Park or Joggers Park with my children. That's the beauty of life - when you have the simple things you want the greater things and when you have the greater things you only want the simple ones. In the storm of life you forget that the most beautiful things have always been given to you by God. What you go after is nice, but the most beautiful things are for us to see and enjoy. I have never lost touch with the simple things. I have kept myself simple and I know it for a fact. I have never been carried away by the position I was in.
Despite your superstar status, you have always been very accessible. How much privacy have you maintained?
I am a very private person. I just say what people want to hear. I am an actor, I can't hide that part and I never deny it. I never wanted to be a physical enigma - I am there for everyone to see and speak to, I go everywhere, I am open and mostly not like a superstar or actor. I am not saying my life is an open book. It is an open book in the sense that I am a public figure and everyone has a right to know.
This cloak helps me to keep certain things very private - be it my relationships, my friendships, my loved ones and what I do at home. That is a part of my life that I would not let anyone into. I don't really do much at home but it is mine and I defend that very selfishly. I don't deal drugs, I don't smuggle gold, I don't have a voodoo system in my house or indulge in cannibalistic rituals and prayers. I'm not doing anything strange or unusual. But it's mine.
Does it flatter or annoy you that newcomers are constantly being called a threat to you at the box office?
Recently, people have started calling me King Khan, Badshah of the box office, they want to make it sound commercial rather than saying I am talented. I have steadfastly maintained a good level, a level that says I am trying to make good films or trying to deliver good acting. I am not trying to be better than anyone else and I am not the best even if I say so myself. I am doing my job well and I am constantly trying to do so. My heart is still in the right place; I have not been spoiled yet.
In the beginning, it was said that the other two Khans are better. They are really better than me and I have no problem accepting it. Then it was said that the action heroes had displaced me. For the last three years, it has been the newcomers.
Recently someone asked me, do you think this is the period of actors over 30? You yourself want to simplify that. Someone said that 90s belong to me. Excuse me, it's 2003 and I'm halfway to 2010. I'm trying to do a good job and people have to admit that. More than the critics and acting gurus who claim that they know what works and what doesn't, the audience knows better and I work only for them.
The comparison with newbies doesn't flatter me as it proves that I'm still in the race and it doesn't bother me anymore because I've been working for 12 years. Now my view is just like that, there is enough space for everyone, let all the newbies come. I know that I'm good at what I do in a particular field of acting.
In the end, is the price of fame and being a celebrity too high?
No, I would do it all again. You can put another three, four discs in me, some of my knee cartilage or whatever. No price is high enough for me to pay for the fame that I've gotten. I haven't really paid a price for fame. Nothing has been taken from me that couldn't have happened to any guy who isn't famous. There hasn't been a problem that I haven't solved myself. So I blame myself for that. There hasn't been a problem where I could have said, God I wish I wasn't famous. I would give more to be in the position that I'm in right now.
What are the handicaps of this position and fame?
I can't say many things that I would like to say. I have to be modest, which I hate. That's the only limitation.
How do you react when people call you God?
(Laughs) God has become a generic term like 'Mindblowing'. It's shameful. I would have said that to Amitabh Bachchan, Naseeruddin Shah or Nana Patekar. I told them I want to be in the same room as them. I told Kamal Haasan I just want to touch you. You are the gods of acting. When people call me God, I say no, I am still an angel or saint of acting. I still have a long way to go.
Vivek Oberoi is an actor who calls you God.
He actually uses the term sometimes. I read an interview of his where he said that I am his favourite actor. That feels good. (Grins) Very rarely do I find newcomers calling me their favourite actor; they usually want to oust me. I am grateful to Vivek and wish him all the best.
Do you have a big ego?
I have an immense amount of self-esteem. At the same time, I am oversensitive. Sometimes the line between ego and self-esteem gets blurred. At times, it becomes difficult for people to know whether I am selfish or hurt. Sometimes even I don't know. I like to put up this whole facade of being humble because I believe I am. I believe I am normal. But close friends say, Shah Rukh, you are not normal... maybe they are talking about my sensitivity, maybe they are talking about my ego. I can't claim that I don't have one. Very small things hurt me and sometimes I overreact. When I think about that, I really do have an ego and that is wrong.
Would you say you are arrogant?
I don't think I am arrogant at all. We all have egos. I have met many people who I find arrogant. If I can find someone arrogant, it would mean that I am not arrogant. But I like to go my own way in terms of my work. I have been working for 12 years and I really know what I am talking about and you have to respect that.
Yes, I have matured, especially after my injury. I have become more bearable. In the last year there have been moments where I have been just as rude and cheeky as I was, but most of the time I have been pretty level-headed.
What has been the most irritating question you've been asked?
How does it feel that your film has been successful? Or how does it feel that your film has not been successful? I've always wanted to answer the opposite - I'm so thrilled that my film failed. Or, man, I'm so sad that my film has become the biggest hit. Isn't it understandable that I'll be sad if it doesn't do well and thrilled if it does well? Why do people have to embarrass me twice? Any question that compliments me or is rude is embarrassing and irritating.
Aishwarya Rai recently told Filmfare, "Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Shah Rukh Khan may be the greatest in their respective fields, but they still have a long way to go as human beings." Any comments?
I 100 per cent believe that I must have given her a reason to say that. I have been close to her as we have worked together regularly for almost four years and I like her very much as an actress and friend. Of course, I must have given her a reason to believe that I need to change as a human being. Also, it means that her standard of good human beings is quite high and she must be a good human being herself.
If she said it in anger, which I think must be the case, then she is all too right. If she said it in the last two months, then I would suggest that she let bygones be bygones. She should not keep blaming us for decisions our society took a year ago.
Personally, I accept that I did her wrong and I have apologised to her for that. I will keep saying to her, I'm sorry, every time I meet her. As a producer, I did something absolutely right and there are no excuses for that. Somewhere, even she has to draw a line between these two areas and understand my decision.
From her point of view, she must be absolutely right. From my point of view, I was absolutely right. She might have misinterpreted many things that I may have said over the course of these few days after the incident, because she sees it from her point of view. There is no need to keep a negative attitude in your heart towards someone who has been an actor alongside you for the last five years. I am not important enough in her life to blame me for that.
God has given her so much - she is so beautiful, truly an international star and successful in her own right. I don't think she has to waste her time on me. She is a very good actress and a very good person... I can't decide what she is better at. I'm really not worried about that. When I meet her again, I will say to her, thank you very much for those words. I will really try to be a better person, at least to her. I am sure you will meet another 20 people who will say Shah Rukh is a very good person and they would have their reasons for saying that.
Is there anything else you want to do apart from acting?
I want to open a hospital and an orphanage for children, but I want to do it with my money. Before that, I have a strong desire to open a studio. Many people say to me, if you want to do a good deed, do it now, but I want to do the good deeds exactly the same way I did good deeds for myself. I have this ownership problem; I want to do it myself. I want every child there to be treated the way Mumbai treated me - the city never treated me differently because I was an orphan. I want every orphan to grow up like me, with no strings attached. I want it to be a little Mumbai in Mumbai. I have a strange confidence that the city will take care of me and I want other children to have the same confidence. Inshallah.
How would you describe yourself today?
(Chuckles) Other than being the best?
Try.
Apparently I can't deny 'I am here' (Main hoon na) because it drives me. In five words, I would say I try to be good.