STARDUST SEP 1998

The untouchable Shah Rukh Khan – unshackled!

S. Shiva Kumar

It is no longer a one-man industry. The throne vacated by Amitabh Bachchan is still empty. He himself tried to reclaim it but failed. The difference between him at his peak and today's competitors is that he could make even a bad film mediocre. Today's troupe also resists typecasting, which audiences are not used to. They like predictability as far as the screen persona of their icons is concerned. So Govinda has to play his tricks, Nana Patekar has to be manic and Aamir can pack on tons of muscle but can't change his baby face. Today's fortunes are fickle and fluctuate every Friday. It is a battle between three Khans - Salman, Aamir and Shah Rukh and it seems at present that the latter is most in everyone's taste.
You have met the greatest personalities but the one person who springs to mind when you think of Shah Rukh is that dandy, Dev Anand. Like Dev (the saab makes him sound old), there is something ethereal and earnest, not to mention passion for the work and boundless energy.
Also the fact that what you see on screen is an extension of himself. You are convinced that this is how he reacts in real life too. He goes too far, yes. You even want to tell him, 'Thoda ruhk Shah.' The day he realises that all those gestures distract you from his sensitive eyes, he will be a great actor. Right now, there is approval, which along with the thunderous applause is also an aphrodisiac for the actor. Mani Rathnam's Dil Se, his next blockbuster release, could change all that. Because Mani never holds back but has the capacity to bring out the best in an actor.
They pounce on Mani Rathnam wrapping up Dil Se in Kerala. 'He is hassle-free,' says Mani, who has only seen Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge and was impressed by Shah Rukh's vibrancy. Shah Rukh unravels the mysteries of genius with (choreographer) Farah Khan as Mani introduces you. He is not handsome (Jealous! His female fans will fume) but clearly attractive.
However, fame has a way of improving appearances. This is Allepey and a beautiful province. Parts of a song are shot on a boat when there is a break between the never-ending rain showers. Cameraman Santosh Sivan is keen to arrange a get-together as superstar Mohanlal and Mammooty are staying in the same hotel. When that fails, Shah Rukh invites you to his room after a crucial World Cup soccer match. "I miss Romario," he sighs as we settle in. Dragging on his cigarette, he spends a couple of hours patiently answering everything you ask. You know you haven't bored him when he asks at the end, "Is that all?"

This is a transcript of the recorded conversation.

Did you start acting for fun?
I was basically into sports. I played in a lot of state-level sports like cricket and football. When I was studying, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I thought I would do my MBA but ended up doing a course in mass communication, which is similar to filmmaking in Delhi. After some time in college, I injured my back so badly that I couldn't continue with sports. I was and still am a good mime artist, although I don't do it publicly anymore as I am a model myself. So when I got injured, I decided to do theatre with Barry John. That was for six years; I really enjoyed it and learnt a lot about acting. But I never had any intention of becoming a Hindi film hero.
There were people who were out to become heroes. I think at that age I foolishly had the attitude that I was overqualified to do Hindi films. I always felt that I was a better actor. I believed Hindi cinema was not for serious actors. The actors I liked were Kamal Haasan, Naseeruddin Shah and Smita Patil. They were the ones who knew about acting. At that time, television became important. Mr. Lekh Tandon and Col. Kapoor saw me in a play and wanted me to act in a serial. I did it because it was a different medium and that got me a lot of film offers.
I was also unceremoniously thrown out of the MBA course. I told my sister and Gauri that I was commuting between Bombay and Delhi because I had signed a serial with Aziz and Saeed Mirza. They were the kind of producers I liked. In their group were Kundan Shah and Mani Kaul. They tried to convince me that I was interesting and that I had a third dimension as an actor.
I couldn't resist, so I said I would take it as a diversion and work for a year. On June 26, 1991, I signed four films - with GP Sippy, Hema Malini, Rakesh Roshan and FC Mehra. Four days later, I signed Deewana. In terms of schedule, it would have taken a year to complete these films. It is 1998 and I have still not been able to go back.

You enrolled in Mass Communication, tried acting, but didn't want to be a Hindi film hero? What did you want to do?
I wanted to do ad films. I liked the process. Even now, I like doing ad videos for my films like Duplicate and Yes Boss. I enjoy the process of communicating in thirty seconds, trying to say a lot, just like in my acting. I try to say a lot in a few shots.

Now, Mani Rathnam told me that the prevailing mediocrity encouraged him to enter the film business. He thought he could do better. Was it the same with you?
Not really. And I don't worship anyone either. I'm not arrogant. I think acting is like freedom in creativity. I think Mammooty is brilliant, Mohanlal is fantastic and Kamal is great, but it's wrong to compare them. I think it's wrong to compare Mani with Subhash Ghai. It's like comparing Dali with Picasso. You can't come to a conclusion because they have different styles and you can like the paintings of both. Creativity is an art form of science. It's so subjective. It's created by you and offered to someone who will look at it objectively. You need recognition from outside. It can't be individualised. I think we are looking for wealth more than inheritance, not necessarily in material terms. You have to experience the reaction. This is no longer just art for art's sake.

Was it ever?
Not in cinema, no. It shouldn't be like that. We are talking about mass communication. You have to offer something to everyone. I don't think cinema has any social relevance or moral purpose. We don't convey any value judgement. Entertainment is the greatest moral. Go ahead and get out of yourself. I think it is a great service to people. You get temporary relief from the monotony. Yes, I have learnt a lot from people I don't want to be, but it's not like I'm here because I'm better than others. Of course, there are actors from whom you learn a lot. There are times when I do a take and I say to Mani, "Sir, I will do it like Kamal."
I also copy shamelessly and if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't even know. The other day I said I will do it like John Cusack. Then Mani said, "You will know and I will know, so let it go." That's what I like about Mani. He does something different within the given format, which is more difficult. That's what sets him apart from others.

You mean he rises above cliches?
Yes, he always tries to break the monotony and that is wonderful. God has been kind to me, even if I don't know why. I can just do ten reliable films that I know will be hits and relax. But it is nice to work on a film where you don't know whether it will be successful or not. I will not compare Mani's film with others. If it is successful, it will be great.

I'm sure you assumed Duplicate would be successful. What do you think went wrong?
Certain films you make have a target audience and Duplicate is very dear to my heart. It's one of my personal favorites.

It seems like you were more concerned with your role than the film as a whole. I mean, you played two roles and were in every scene, but the film was terrible.
We worked as a team, so I should be the last one to speak against the rest. What can I say? It's so subjective, but I loved the film.

It's an art film producer who says he loved his film and wonders why no one else did.
I'm not saying that people didn't understand the film and that's why it didn't work. The box office was average. It should have done better.

But for a Shah Rukh film…
It's a bit unfair as now some of my recent films have been successful.

But that's where you're at.
I know. Even Yes Boss is not considered a hit by my standards. It's one of the most wonderful films I've done and Pardes, as they say, is a hit that I don't consider one of my best films.

Well, in terms of quality, I wouldn't compare the two films. There is so much confusion in Duplicate.
But a double role is illogical in itself. To be honest, I never wanted to play a double role. I think it's silly. But I was somehow convinced by the director. I thought it was supposed to be a harebrained film. As you said, I can take refuge as an art filmmaker. There are many excuses for a film that doesn't succeed. But this is the genre I like to do. I like Jerry Lewis and Jim Carrey.
In fact, I don't think there is a better actor than Jim Carrey at the moment. So it was a highlight for me as an actor. The script went wrong a lot during shooting, but it's one of the few films where I was actively involved in the scripting phase, so I take some of the blame for that. A lot of the action was choreographed by me. I don't blame the audience, but I loved the film. I can watch the film over and over again, even though I don't usually watch my films. I also like the people who like the film. People ask me if I would do a film like that again. Why not?

Why at all?
Well, why not?

They put so much hard work into it with the sole aim of getting people to watch it. If that doesn't happen...
But there are films where I don't put any effort into it and the whole country applauds. So it's a kind of compensation. There are films where I feel like I shouldn't do them, but I'm a professional and I don't shirk commitments.

Are you talking about Karan Arjun?
Yes, I was very unfair as an actor to this film.

But why do you accept such films in the first place?
It's a very personal, long story.

Okay, so you didn't like Karan Arjun and it worked. Is that why you signed Koyla?
No. Actually, I wasn't very impressed when I heard the story of Karan Arjun. I don't believe in reincarnation but you can't always do the films you want to do. That's life. Anyway, I wanted to play the role of Karan. But before that, Rakesh Roshan told the story of Koyla, which he was supposed to do with Sunny Deol. I asked him, "Why not me?" He said, "You don't look like my hero." I said, "I will make sure I look like him." But he wanted to do the film with Sunny. I liked Koyla's story more. So I said either he does this film with me or I won't do Karan Arjun. But Salman Khan is in the family and he was feeling bad. Things weren't going too well for him then.
So on their insistence, I agreed. I said that on the sets, I would just follow instructions. There should always be a reason for making a film, not necessarily that it should be successful. If that film is a hit, it is a stroke of luck. But Koyla, the film I liked more, was not successful. Most of the films I like to make are not successful.

Is there such a thing as a script sense that an actor gets?
I'll be very honest. I don't have a script sense. It's not my job to know about scripts.

Is it because the movies you like aren't successful or...
No, my job is to like the character I'm playing in the movie.

I know people who can tempt you with scripts but can never successfully translate it on celluloid.
Nobody can tempt me with a script, not at this stage. I will tell you something strange. I do a film only for creative reasons. Duplicate was creative because it was a double role and I had a lot of fun doing it, however there are films I have done because I liked a scene. Like that shot in the Mani film. I am walking on the streets of Delhi and the camera is in a car behind me. That shot appealed to me but is not in the film now. Very small scenes that people don't even notice captivate me.
Anyway, it is an accumulation of so many things that have to work. I have done about twenty-five films, of which about fifteen have been successful. I can pretend to say, "Yes, I have a feel for the script." Some of them go wrong and I can justify it. People like to oversimplify the reason for a hit. Like DDLJ. You said, "A family film." One hundred days of filming and three and a half hours of cinema are simply reduced to a few words.

However, never deny success, whereas you can give a hundred reasons for failure.
I think it is this oversimplification that makes us produce such rubbish. Even I don't like some films that are working. But there must be a reason why Pardes is working. Something I don't understand. I look at the film and say the first half is very nice, technically speaking. The second half doesn't work, but the damn thing works on a grand scale, whereas Duplicate - which I can watch twenty times - doesn't. Even my wife told me not to do such films as my sense of fun is too harebrained. But I think the process of making films should also be entertaining. That is a primary factor. And that sense of pleasure is something nobody else in India has except me. I have no sense of script, acting, timing, songs or rhythm. What I do have is a lot of pleasure while making the film. By that I don't mean having fun on the sets. I am working very hard and I know it will be something unforgettable, regardless of the fate of the film at the box office. Koyla will be very dear to my heart. Dil Se will be very dear to my heart, regardless of its fortunes.

But the commercial run is also important.
I guess so. I never make any claims that this film will be a big hit. I do think that if I sign the film, it will be the biggest hit. On the other hand, I won't be able to work in it.

Now your peers are working in a particular genre but say they want to move on to more meaningful films. So Ajay Devgan is doing Takshak, Sunil Shetty is doing Hu Tu Tu and Aamir is doing Earth.
(Smiles) Well, I didn't do Earth.

Were you offered Earth?
Yes. But I couldn't do the film as I was shooting for Mani. I was also offered a film by Govind Nihalani.

What about Darmiyaan?
Well, I called and said I wanted to do the film.

Going back to my question, are the films you make necessarily the kind of films you would like to see?
Most of the time, yes. I love the films I make. Just because I like making meaningful cinema doesn't mean I'm going to sign films that I won't enjoy watching.

What is meaningful cinema for you?
Duplicate, Yes Boss, DDLJ, even Ram Jaane and yes, Dil Se. What I do means a lot to me. It's very strange but I have never worked for an award. I am really happy when I get one, although I don't know the reason. Probably because they are sought after awards. I don't fool myself into thinking I get it for the greatest performance. Personally, I aim for the National Award with every shot but have never got it. I enjoy the films I do because I think they are a little different. Of course, sometimes I have this human weakness to do something different for the sake of it.

How?
I would play the role of a eunuch just to be different. I feel for them. I don't pity them, but I really feel that if I said something it would make a difference.

Make life more decent for them?
When I meet them, it would be good if they are proud that someone is saying something about their life. I would have spent some time with them, probably done some research. I don't want to work in films that always demand greatness. I have this ability to laugh at myself, not to take myself too seriously. Taking yourself too seriously means being too rigid. You lose your flexibility. And if you are not flexible, you cannot be creative. You have to be open. I think it's stupid when other actors say they stay in touch with reality. That means you are not. I am still coming to terms with the fact that I am a big star. I can convince you that deep down I am a serious actor. In fact, I can give you a serious interview and do an amazing impersonation. I don't think it is important to switch to serious cinema to prove a point. I mean, who could be more serious as a filmmaker than Mani and I had fun working with him.

Their acting reminds me of Kamal Hassan in his early days. You feel like you have to use every moving muscle to communicate a feeling. Is that your idea of ​​good acting?
I like Kamal and Naseeruddin Shah a lot. I think both these actors have an amazing sense of using space. I come from theatre, this is what Barry John teaches you. You act from your toes to your neck and the face will do the rest. You know, when these two actors play an old man; the way they stand is enough to communicate that. They don't need make-up. I think they're more amazing than Dustin Hoffman or Robert De Niro put together. It's their sense of physicality that gives them a third dimension as actors. I know Kamal can make you cry with a look in his eyes. I know his pauses. He has an amazing sense of timing for what the audience will like. He's a technician par excellence. So is Naseer. This kind of insight and control is what every actor should strive for.

Do your gestures come from the fact that you don't know what to do with your hands?
Not at all. These are cliches. OK, I'm playing you. Where is the guarantee that you won't move your hands too much? Why should I assume that they will be stiff and controlled just because you are a journalist? Why couldn't you be a person who waves his arms, is hysterical, naive, with a pea brain?

Thank you, Shah Rukh.
No, I really believe there is no right or wrong way to do a scene. I mean nothing in the world looks like Dali's paintings, yet people find meaning in it. I was never enamored by the strange looking sunflowers of Van Gogh, but I have a lot of energy and youth on my side. I believe very strongly that nobody can stop me from doing it. The day I get bored and tired, the day I am not ready to fall on the floor and make people laugh, I will play it safe. I will last for twenty years and people will give me awards. But not now. When I came to Bombay, I was sure that I will not do the things that the Bombay film heroes do and I have more or less stuck to my guns.

Like what?
That's how I played bad guys. I may sound immodest but I don't have the filmy style of acting. I don't deliver the dialogues in the right way. People used to question my style of dialogues. I did it on my terms. If you like it, watch it. If not, don't. Shabana Azmi says my performances tire her out. Well, don't spend too much time watching me. Practice. It's healthier. I'm not rude or arrogant. I don't do it because it works. Most people called me a fluke initially.
Nobody thought I would last long. They said the songs helped me. Even today I don't think I was given enough credit for my success. At this point in time, this style of acting is important for me as an actor. I don't believe in this kind of acting. I don't think anyone would imitate me, but in two years, when my joints are sore and I'm fat, I'll play it safe. Actually, underacting is easy for me.
But not now. I want to overact. I'm a bhaand. I'm a street theatre guy. There's so much time to be safe and boring. I'll give intense performances without moving a muscle and people will say, 'He has so much control and intensity.'

You have said that Mani has tapped into a new facet in your acting. Knowing Mani, I am sure he controlled you.
Even now you are oversimplifying it. It is not a question of control. I think I am educated enough to realise that I can act like that and take full credit for it. I am in Mani's film and I don't know if that style is good or bad but I can act like that.

And what did you mean?
I'll tell you. People might misunderstand. He can't control me. Nobody can. If I need to get angry, I'll get angry. It's just that he instilled confidence in me and a certain way... He said something to me that struck a chord with me, which made a lot of sense. He said, "There comes a stage in an actor's life where you can't distinguish between acting and what's natural." Something like that. He had me do a certain scene with an old lady that made me realize that there is another style, not of acting, but of bearing. I understood that after so many years of watching and working in films, you start to disregard the most obvious things. You knew it, but you needed someone to tell you and make you do it. People have to say I'm reserved, which is a success. Now I'm going to think of eight different ways to do a scene. It's a realization. There will always be a little bit of me in a role, but he will also have to masquerade as a certain character. I will never deceive myself into thinking that I will get so immersed in a role that I will forget who I am. I will have to create a lot of Shah Rukhs in different situations. That is something I will have to inculcate in my acting. That is something I have learnt from Mani.

So how do you like it? To be left alone or to be told what to do.
I'm very flexible. I know one way to do the scene and I think that's the best way, but the director might not agree, so I keep it to myself. I do exactly what you tell me because it's my job. I'll show you my interpretation. If you like it, fantastic because it's in my blood. But I have to work on what you tell me. If the director doesn't like it, I'll save it for the film I'm directing. There are many wrong ways to do a scene. I'd rather try them out than go with that one right way.

Tell me, do you think you will ever be offered the role of an introvert?
Yes, I played one in a series…

Forget the series. I'm not saying you're incapable of doing it, but given your overactive image...
I don't know. It's very hypothetical.

Let's put it this way. If someone wrote a script where the main character is an introvert, they wouldn't think of casting you.
But why not? That means I'm not good enough to play that kind of role.

I told you it is not so.
Well, nobody has, till now. Someone should offer me such a role. It is high time. I get bored of myself at times. I think it is better to regret than to be safe. If I do something wrong, I say, 'Oops, sorry, I tried.' The pride of achieving something unknown once in ten years and making it work is enough to bridge those nine years of regret. Like Karan Arjun and Pardes. I am commercially grateful to them but will not show them to my son and say that this is what your father did to have a swimming pool in the house.

Are you really angry with Subhash Ghai?
Not at all. Most of it is a work of the media.

Then why this exclusion of Karan Arjun?
I did not enjoy the film as an actor. I have not seen the film, so it would be wrong to say anything negative. We (Rakesh Roshan and I) are very good friends.

Forget about friendship.
But it's not just a friendship after a business deal. I think he's a great filmmaker.

But compared to Trimurti, this was better.
To be honest, I enjoyed Trimurti more. He didn't deceive me, but he told me something different about the character. When we started shooting, he said, "I have decided as a director that we should do this role like this." Hey, this character is an introvert. The Shah Rukh kind, not the Hindi film kind.

So was it a question of the length of the film?
Not at all. In my first film Deewana, I appeared only in the second half.

No, we are talking about a star who, as they say, succeeded Amitabh Bachchan.
The film was boring for an actor. I sat on the sets with nothing to do. I like to work twenty-four hours a day. Half the scenes in Mani's film are cut, but I worked. I don't feel bad that some of the most difficult scenes were cut. In Pardes, there is somehow no sense of achievement. When my films succeed, I know I was a part of it. I let it happen. When it fails, I know I could have done better. I am very honest about this.

You blame your acting for the failure.
I don't take the blame. It's like when your class plays football. Your class wins and you think you did something because you were there, watching it. I told Subhash Ghai that I wouldn't tell my mum that I was in the film. He understood and doesn't hold it against me. At least there is that one shot in Pardes which I liked. In Karan Arjun, unfortunately, even that is missing. I worked very hard physically for Karan Arjun because I felt guilty that I wasn't mentally involved. I even did the stuntman's stunts because he didn't want to. So I'm not upset because I know it's a director's medium. I don't think any of the films work because of me. Nor is it the other way round.

So you mean it's not just success that counts. Something else...
Yes, something else is very important.

So what is it? I mean, if a film is a success, isn't it automatically a sign of approval?
Again, that is very strange, very absurd, that the full credit goes to the hero. The industry is so male dominated. I feel bad for my heroines sometimes. But the hero doesn't take the full blame for the failure. Even with Duplicate, they said they liked me but not the film. So it's something else I look for - I have an easy way of measuring it - would I be able to show it to my children and be proud of it? My father was a freedom fighter.
I never saw him fight for our freedom, but when I read in the newspapers that freedom fighters are given 'thamara pathras' (copper plates), I felt proud. That is the kind of feeling I want my children to have. They should not be embarrassed about the good things they have received from life. The worst feeling is when you're driving a Mercedes and you know you don't deserve it. These two movies give me that feeling. I cringe when I see them on TV. I know all these ratings are nonsense, but when my songs from Duplicate come on, I feel proud.

Where are you at, business-wise?
They say I'm the best seller at the moment. No one overseas can touch me. You must know, when I started, I said my films should have a mark of quality. Something should stand out, even if it's just a tiny sound. The effort should be visible. A lot of actors are sad and cry when their films fail. When they have a hit, they grin and say, "Bola tha na?" Both extremes are wrong, I just believe in putting in the best effort. I tell all my directors after I'm done dubbing, "I'm done with this film." The result will not destroy the will to work hard or change my acting style. Sometimes the best is not good enough. That's why, in business, they say my films are successful.

Do you have repeat value?
No. I think what people associate with me is that I will work with people who are trying to make interesting films.

And that's nothing to do with script sense?
I don't think the audience thinks that way. It's like, "Do you like this guy?" "Yeah, he's acting well and right now we like his style." I'm probably the right guy at that moment. They believe I'm not going to completely disappoint them.

In a sense, Shah Rukh is 'paisa vasool'.
I think so. That is my business incentive, not my repeat value. I think only a film, not a star, has repeat value.

I just met this guy from Singapore who said that until you came on stage, he had never seen this kind of ecstatic reaction at the sight of a mere mortal. Are you excited? Does it frighten you?
(Long pause) I have thought about it a lot. I have even fooled myself into thinking that it is not me that they are reacting to, but my screen persona. But even that does not take away from the thought that there are thousands of people screaming. I go down and people want to kiss me. I would never do all that for anyone. Not Mr. Bachchan or Mr. Rajnikanth. Only Kamal. I asked if I could touch him when we first met. That is something that is very difficult to answer.

Somewhere in the background you know that all this is temporary.
Because I know this very well, I don't want it to pass. All this will not last. I am just lucky. All this is my mother's blessing. It is the gift of God and my wife is lucky for me. I am amazingly talented. All these are considerations, but I still cannot explain it. It doesn't scare me. I love it and enjoy it. I am not arrogant, but I am very proud of who I am and what I have done. It just makes me feel like God, ordinary people are reacting to something I do. Maybe just to make money. Maybe I do it because I have nothing better to do. I came here really by chance and suddenly I am in a situation where people are happy to see me. I am not humble, but I believe in God, and it is as if you believe in something and it appears. Now God has become very real to me. It could be my hair, the dimples, or the way I talk. I don't know and I don't want to figure it out. I just thank him because I can bring that piece of happiness to so many people even for a microsecond. It's strange because no one except my family can invoke such happiness in me. I am happy when my son gargles on the phone. I am like a child who doesn't know he can make people happy. The fact that people find someone as brain-dead, silly and insignificant as me as a source of happiness makes me work harder. I work so hard that one day I will destroy myself. They (the audience) may get tired, but I will never get tired in my efforts to make them happy.

There seem to be more women jealous of their wives now than men jealous of them.
(Laughs) I don't know. Even my wife told me the same thing, but that means they don't know me. I'm not a fantastic husband. I think she's a better person.

Maybe it's because you profess undying love and also swear by monogamy.
I don't swear by it. It's just that I have been monogamous till now. It's not something I try to do. I don't even promise that for the future. I might fall in love with someone else. It might happen and I tell my wife that too. Maybe I'm already in love with someone. Personally, I'm very shy. I never have too many women around me. Even after becoming a star, there are only a few heroines I like. I belong to an era where platonic relationships are possible. There are Madhuri, Juhi and Kajol. I really like them as they are very determined in their work. Anyway, I think there should be more men who are jealous of me as Gauri is just wonderful. She is not very caring. She is not really sweet to me nor does she pamper me. Actually, she is not very nice to me either. I like her for who she is and I believe it is important to be known to someone as the person I am. She smiles when she sees me, which is not very often. Maybe once in six months, but I know that smile is only for me. I have never made any claims that I am a man for a woman. It is just that I am so tired after work. I have never thought of sleeping with the girls I have worked with. I am not that kind of person. I love intelligent, good-looking women, but I do not see them as objects of desire. Like that dialogue in Forest Gump - "There is a choice between a piece of a... and peace of mind." I prefer the latter. No one has interested me so much that I would gamble away that peace of mind. Gauri has a lot of faith in me and I have not let her down. Moreover, we are not even very compatible. We are not the greatest couple on earth. More than love, it is the feeling of righteousness that I have.

How important is domestic peace to your portrayals?
I am a very restless person. It is not very important.

Imagine having a lot of problems at home.
I think I should act better. Whatever I do, good or bad, is because of my restlessness, which comes from having lost my parents and being quite lonely. I don't try to romanticize it. There is this need to please a lot of people. I kind of want to get lost in a crowd and escape the loneliness. If I had a wife to beat me up, I would act better. Acting is an outlet. I acted when there were threats on my life. I made everyone laugh when my mother's body was at home. Sounds surreal, but it's true.

Talking about death threats and the industry's links with the underworld, if someone called you and invited you to dance at a party in Dubai, would you go?
No one would ask me to dance at a party. They know I don't dance well.

There are video evidences of stars at such private parties.
Nobody did that to me. When I came to Bombay, the underworld was not that strong. If you ask me to attend as a star, I would say no, I would not go. If you ask me as a human being who feels like it, I would say yes. There is no denying that. I could get into trouble on both counts. If I know I might get a call where someone asks me to come to a particular place and I would have to leave because I could not be protected enough, I would leave. I am not a hero in real life. I have a lot to lose.

And why did you get death threats?
I don't know. The police called and told me that my life was in danger, so they gave me protection. It was quite tense for my family. Personally, I wouldn't be afraid of getting a bullet. And there were these people who I thought were from the underworld. They invited me to some religious event. I declined because I was filming. The next day they showed up at my set. I yelled at them for showing up on my sets. These guys took me aside and pulled out a gun. I was immobile, frozen. I've never felt like that in my life. I always thought that if someone pulled out a gun, I would scream or push him away. But I couldn't move and he could have killed me. It turned out to be a lighter and they were there to apologize for trying to force me. It was just like a scene in a movie. The police even called me and said that I was in Dubai when the plan to kill Gulshan Kumar was hatched. I did not know these people. I told them that it was their business to know that I had not gone to Dubai. It is all very frightening when you do not know who will protect you.

Sometimes you need protection from the protectors.
Yes, then it is better to give in. I am a yuppie. I have a lot of pride, but if it comes down to intelligence and pride, I would use common sense and say I will not do it because the authorities will not be able to protect me. The fact that people have access to my secret number makes me feel like I better give in.

So what are the risks and pleasures of fame?
There are many pleasures. Being able to act in front of the camera is fun. It's a rush, like a World Cup every day. There aren't many risks.

Do you miss your privacy or the lack of it?
Not at all. I love the lack of privacy. If I were private, I would be alone. I think it is fashionable to make such statements. I would rather have the problem of going to a restaurant and being harassed than walking unrecognized through Chandni Chowk. An actor spends half his life trying to be recognized and the rest wearing dark glasses. This is silly. Another group expects a certain demeanor in public like not smoking while speaking to the press. I am an honest actor. I don't want people to think I am different. If you ask me what makes me a successful actor, I would say it is because I am direct. I don't have the voice of Amitabh, the acting skills of Kamal, the dancing skills of Prabhu Deva or the comic timing of Govinda.

Do you have a professional code of conduct? Are there things you will refuse to do on camera?
I don't kiss my heroines on the lips. I would be embarrassed. If I did kiss them, I would have to go all out. Many people say that I act quite cheaply in films, but I don't like the innuendo. I don't usually like to make fun of disability. I have done it in a few films because it wasn't described but it was part of the story. However, I would do a film as an invalid. I don't like to make derogatory comments about women. I would rather kiss a woman on her head than her stomach and convey the same amount of sensuality. But I like blood in films. A lot of people find that bad taste.

How do you guys decide how much money to ask a producer?
Despite what you read in the papers, I ask my producers what they think they should pay me. I believe that if they say they will pay me X amount, they will price the film accordingly. Over the last four to five years, I have worked with people who I don't think need me to sell their film. Usually they quote prices that seem OK. I don't have a set price. Lots of people offer the overseas rights, but I haven't succumbed. I didn't do it even when I needed the money. I feel like they are trying to buy me outright when I'm really just for hire.

So if I come with a big bag of money, will I get your dates?
I am doing around four films, which I am not very comfortable with. I have now decided to scale it down. I have completed Dil Se. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai has ended. Josh is ninety percent done. I have two films in the pipeline, Badshah and Shashilal Nair's next. I have decided not to sign any new films. I have postponed David Dhawan and Raj Kumar Santoshi's films for five months. So if you were to ask me today, I would tell you to tell me the subject in November to shoot in August next.

And if I say that I have signed Mani Rathnam as a director?
That would be more of a reason as my deadlines are clear. Otherwise, I will have to work double shifts and cancel someone else's deadlines. They will feel bad and curse me and Mani's film will not be successful. All my films are completed in seventy to eighty days and are evenly distributed. This makes me a predictable star. It is worth it for producers to sign me as they know they can finish the film in a year. This is also a good guarantee for a distributor.