Best Actor – Shah Rukh Khan
Jitesh Pillai
Thursday, 5pm. He blends in with the crowds in the studio. He is barely noticeable. He has the look of someone whose lights are off. They say that what makes a film star is the way the light reaches his face. Perhaps Shah Rukh Khan deliberately turned down the brightness in the hope that he would be able to move more easily through the real world despite his swelling fame. When Shah Rukh Khan acts, it is almost as if the camera captures the light and fire in him. Take his last Filmfare-winning role in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. As Raj, SRK overturns accepted norms of acting, elevating a fluffy role to memorable heights. Perhaps his ordinariness off screen helps him create very different roles on screen. He has none of that stardom or mystique about him. All he worries about is the films and that shows. He has often been teased about why he doesn't appear in the tabloids. And he throws the line from Forrest Gump at me, "Given the choice between a piece of ass and peace of mind, I'll take the latter." Perhaps all he needs now is to abandon the mannerisms and gestures that come dangerously close to over-dramatization. An intuitive actor must absorb and channel all the feelings that swirl around inside him.
10pm. His sea-view apartment. Sometimes he grins devilishly and always his words envelop you like an invisible blanket. From there he takes you on a tour of his mind and artistry. The phone rings like an angry child, bouquets line his room… the five Filmfare trophies sparkle impudently from the shelf. Revelling in the sweet smell of success, you ask:
What was your first reaction to playing the role of Raj in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge?
Aditya narrated the role to me at the Nadiadwala Bungalow in Juhu. In 45 minutes, he had me hooked... Not with the film as a whole, but with certain moments in the film. I said yes, imagining myself staring into Amrish Puri's eyes at the end... as the train chugs out of the station.
How close did you feel to Raj?
Adi had written Raj with me in mind. I narrated the story to Gauri and she said there was no story. That's exactly what I liked about the film. It has so many beautiful moments. I am like Raj in the film, I live as carefree as he does. Like Raj, who was so confident about winning over Simran's parents, I knew I would win over her parents and Gauri would be mine. Of all the roles I have played so far, I can completely identify with Raj in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge and the boy in Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa. My wedding was straight out of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. Like Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, I too got married according to Hindu rites. There was an elaborate sangeet just like in the film.
You had to go through all this trauma even in real life?
More or less. Gauri's parents were strictly against the marriage. Her mother had threatened to commit suicide. Her father called me and told me that it would not work. For over six years, we continued our relationship in secret. Once I even went to her birthday party incognito. I used my name from Fauji - Abhimanyu. Her parents unknowingly noticed that I looked like a distant relative of Mr. Dilip Kumar. But later when they came to know my identity, all hell broke loose...
Continue please...
They are a typical Punjabi family. Just like Simran's. I was told that one of her uncles was very aggressive. He kept a sword hidden in his underclothes. But when I met him, he turned out to be a lamb! I managed to get all her relatives on my side, one by one. I went to the disco with Gauri's cousins. Gradually, everyone liked me and all her mamas and mamis (uncles and aunts) kept assuring me that their parents would come back to their senses.
What about the tough times?
Yes, things didn't work out, Gauri was locked up at home... Like Simran in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, she kept saying to me, "Shah Rukh, you don't know my parents... you are taking it so lightly" and I told her that everything would be fine. I told her that in 10 years we would laugh about all the tough times. And that is exactly what we are doing today. Sometimes we sit together at night and think about everything that happened and have fun. But once the pressure was really too much for Gauri. She felt that I was suffocating her with my possessiveness... She went to Mumbai without telling me... her friends also felt that maybe it was best if we parted ways. The day before she left, she came to meet me. It was her birthday and I had decorated my room with balloons and bought her lots of gifts. When she came to meet me, she was crying and I thought that maybe she was overexcited because of all the pressure. The next day, she left for Mumbai without telling me. When I came to know, I was distraught. I told my mother about it and like Anupam Kher in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, she told me go and bring back the girl you love. She gave me Rs 10,000 and I left for Mumbai. After an exhaustive search, I finally found the girl I loved and almost lost.
You never thought of eloping?
No, like Raj and Simran, we never wanted to go against our parents' wishes. The thought of running away from home never crossed our minds. But we knew for sure that we would get married. When I met Gauri's parents, I just couldn't bring myself to say that I loved their daughter. Because I thought it was stupid to say so... because I could never love their daughter as much as they did. They had given birth to her and raised Gauri... my love could never be a substitute for their love.
Raj was quite a rascal.
Yes, he was. Like Raj, I would definitely go out and harass someone in a shop. Until I met Gauri, I felt that falling in love was not so cool. Like in the movie, we were a group of four or five boys who did our own thing without giving a damn. But we were the best at whatever we did, be it school or sports. Unlike Raj, I was not lousy at school.
Was it a difficult role to do?
I learnt a lot… because of my training and theatre background, I understand the different nuances of acting. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge made me think beyond my role. From being a physical actor, I turned into a mental actor. (Laughs) I don't mean that I went mad. I missed being hyperactive in the film, I couldn't indulge in my usual exaggerations. As I say myself, I have a very mobile face, in Anjaam I looked older with the right amount of menace… in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge I could look like a 24-year-old. My face adjusts to the character I am playing. I may get younger or older depending on what I am working with.
How much did you work on the role?
Adi and all the assistants in the film gave me a lot of freedom. Jim Carrey's take-off, the piano scene and the fight at the end were my interpretations. Adi and Co were totally against the dhishum-dhishum in the climax. But I wanted it. Of course, many a time my suggestions were contradicted and I was told to shut up. An actor needs to be appreciated. When I feel that the director likes what I do, I am inspired to do better. Directors like Adi and Aziz Mirza like to see me act and that spurs me on. However, it is not false praise. It is genuine. The crew of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge consisted of very young people. I was the eldest among the younger bunch. So I took it upon myself to look after the crew. I had promised myself that I would never throw a tantrum during the shoot.
Wasn't Aditya Chopra worried as it was his first film?
No, he had done his homework thoroughly. He knew what he wanted. Although he tends to overreact at times, I must say he is quite systematic. I don't want Adi to take it as a compliment, but he is one of the few directors who made me more conscious as an actor. For the first time, I called a director and thanked him for my performance.
The other day you said that Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge should not have happened so early in your career. Why?
Because now I will have to improve my acting. When Gauri saw Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, she said that it is the best film of my career. But I want to deliver more best. There was a time when I said that I wish I had a Sholay or a Hum Aapke Hain Koun…! in my life. Today I don't have to say that. I have a Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. Now I am happy when others say that they want there to be a Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge for them. That has become a measure of success. It excites me to no end.
How about your interaction with Kajol?
I met Kajol for the first time during the shooting of Baazigar. I had just come back from Delhi, had hardly slept and the last thing I wanted to hear was Kajol screaming. But there she was... this bundle of energy! I wish I had a sister like her. Some might be put off by her impetuousness. But she is my baby. Karan Arjun was a film that neither of us understood as artists. So there is a lot of self-delusion involved. We tried our damn best to have a good time. I think the chemistry between Kajol and me works because we don't hold anything back. We are comfortable with each other. There is no talk of romance... That is why our scenes work. The same goes for Juhi Chawla too. Actually, I am not at all comfortable with on-screen romance. (Laughs) It seems like a contradiction considering that I have one of the biggest romantic hits of the decade. The other day, Mahesh Bhatt told me that I am completely asexual. He said that I am not conscious of my sexuality on screen. That is why what I do does not look vulgar. Even a vulgar dance move looks OK on me. I really cannot simulate romance. I am bad at it. Sometimes Gauri sees my films and says that I make strange expressions. She finds them funny.
Would you have been disappointed if you hadn't won the Filmfare Award?
Sure. Especially since everyone else from Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge had won. I'd like to think I was a major contributor to the film. At the same time, I owe my performance to Aditya. And believe me, it kills me to give the credit to someone else.
Aamir Khan was a close rival...
If Aamir had won, I would have felt that I was losing to a fine actor. As a part of the audience, I would have understood that since he never won the Best Actor award, this was balancing justice. But I would have felt terrible. I would have cried and not come to the post-award party. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge would have been someone else's success. I would have thought about it like I do about Sholay or Hum Aapke... it would have been no part of me. I am a great sportsman but a bad loser. Losing to Aamir would still not have been a bad thing. He has done a good job throughout.
What does an award mean to you?
It means the world to me. One day I will set up a special trophy room. I spent a whole night playing with my five Filmfare trophies. I tried all sorts of combinations, putting them in my display case, tilting them, mixing them and comparing them. I was like a little kid with his toy cars. I went out on the terrace and held my trophies up to the stars. I am sure my mother was there watching me. Vidhu Vinod Chopra called his mother on stage when he won an award for Parinda. I was very jealous. I will never be able to do that.
Somehow, there is nothing mysterious about you. Stars should not reveal everything.
See, that is my modus operandi. It is precisely because I am an open person that everyone leaves me alone. Nobody wants to know more. But there are so many layers to my personality that nobody will ever discover. Today, when I go to a party, I mingle with people and they remain relaxed. Nobody harasses me. But when some elusive star enters a party, he becomes the focus of attention. Everyone is always speculating about him. That is why everyone just looks bored whenever there are rumours of an affair between me and a film heroine. (Laughs) Even though there is nothing mysterious about me, I am one of the most popular actors around. I am sensitive and easily hurt. But I don't want others to know that. That is why I am always laughing and playing the fool.
Playing the fool must take its toll. There must be times when you don't want to be an entertainer.
I'm a great actor and I act all the time. With more experience I'll do even better. Sure I have my bad days, but I don't want to impose my lows on anyone else. I don't let anyone get close enough to have the power to hurt me. I've been hurt badly; I've seen too much sadness. What's so great about knowing stars? I like what Richard Dreyfuss said about a girl who wrote disparagingly about him in her intimate memoirs. He said, "She knew me so long, and yet she thought and wrote so pettily about me." I'm not paranoid. I don't expect anything from anyone. I'm prepared for the fact that some people will ultimately disappoint me. They say that many people love me. But if they really know me, they may hate me.
What does acting mean to you?
It is something I love to do terribly. I long to be in front of the camera. It is my friend. It allows me to fight, dance and kick. It is the greatest happiness of my life. It helps me release my pent up shyness. What I do in front of the camera is what I do when I am alone in my bedroom. Once the camera is switched on, nothing comes between us. Acting cannot be explained or taught. Have you ever asked Asha Bhosle why or when she started singing? Ask a painter how he paints? I think it is in the blood. An actor should be well read, have a good imagination. He should observe, absorb and reproduce whatever he or she sees.
Sometimes you say you get inspired by a performance... and sometimes you say you imitate a star.
(Laughs) One says you get inspired when you can't trace the original performance. And another says you imitate when you know you'll be caught. So when I imitate Amitabh Bachchan or Kamal Haasan, I play it safe and announce it to the world. I don't want to get caught and feel like a fool. Seriously, there are so many performances in Hollywood that inspire me. I feel like a worm when I see Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest or Anthony Hopkins in The Silence Of The Lambs. I wonder what thoughts must have been going through their minds when they played those roles.
What kind of child were you? Headstrong?
I was not a headstrong child. But if I wanted something bad enough, I went out and got it. I performed in Ram Leela; I played the monkey in it. I wrote little stories… shairis… my father made me recite them. I remember there was this aunty who wore awful pink lipstick and I wrote a cheesy poem about her, praising her lipstick. I think she secretly liked it. My parents let me do my own thing; they just wanted me to be good in my studies… which I was. There were no restrictions. I could sleep anytime, go out anytime. When I knocked out a child's teeth, my father made me deal with the child's father myself… I understood that parents were not an authority, they were friends. I imitated Mumtaz, imitated people. I still do all that today. And you know what? I get paid handsomely for it. When my father died, I didn't cry. I thought it was heroic. I was one of the pallbearers; I thought I had become a little big man. But I felt betrayed, despite the fact that he had prepared me for his death... And the death of my mother made me understand that nothing lasts. I stopped hoping for anything. I cried a lot. Nothing upsets me anymore.
What kind of father will you be to your child?
If it is a boy, I want him to be a badmash. He should do all the bad things until he is 16 so that after that he can calm down. If I have a daughter, I will give her all the love that is in me. Even though my wife thinks I am crazy, I know that I will take my daughter to the parties she is invited to. I want her friends to say, "Wow what a handsome father you have!" When she is in the back of our car with her boyfriend, I will be behind the wheel and drive her everywhere. My parents were my yaars (friends). Likewise, I will be my babies' best friend.