Nishi Prem
(sorry for the sometimes very clear language, back then he didn’t mince his words…)
It was exactly a year ago. September 1991. Shah Rukh Khan: "Why do you want to interview me? What have I achieved so far? I mean, I would understand if one of my films had already come out. Good or bad, it would make sense. They are only interested in me because a few big people in the industry like GP Sippy, Rakesh Roshan and Hema Malini have signed me. Nobody has even considered my personal abilities. Maybe these people have been duped. I could be a big flop. Ten directors call me in a day, not because they give a damn about what kind of actor I am, but because these producers have signed me. It makes me laugh."
I couldn't believe it. I was too used to newcomers kneeling for a mere mention in Stardust or even one of the less important film magazines. And here was this guy who gets it without asking and turns it down!
"No personal insult intended, but I don't understand what makes giving interviews and posing for pictures such an important part of an actor's life. I find the whole machinery quite funny. If I like hangers-on, if I get my shoelaces tied by a spot boy like I'm some fucking idiot, if I like giving interviews and posing for pictures, then I'm a star. And conversely, I'm only a star if I do that shit. Surprisingly, of all the factors in an actor's career, acting plays the least role. Most of them are too busy with themselves. Their wardrobe is their world and hangers-on are their yardstick. It's called narcissism. They are so in love with themselves that they only feel comfortable in the company of flatterers. There is praise and praise and praise. I'm a star, I'm a star, they become schizophrenic. They become like a fucking zombie, controlled by an image, by what people think of them. And when people stop thinking about them, they're fucked. The actor who thought he was God realises he was just a figment of his imagination. A figment of his imagination. A relic. What a twisted and messed up way to live that is."
Shah Rukh clearly didn't care much about the industry.
No problem. The industry couldn't care less. By their standards then, he was a nobody. Worse, a nobody with a point of view. Of no impact. Ignorable. Like talent with no margin at the box office.
"Ik do filmein chalne do, phir dekhna, Abhi woh bachcha hai," grinned the high priest of film cult. They had seen too many paragons of perfection fall from grace, once too many. In the industry, the poison of success had never failed. It destroyed its victims before they could consume it, the lethal potion of name and fame. "All his idealism will go out the window once he tastes success. His codes and ethics will vanish into thin air. Achche achchon ko theek kar diya is industry ne, it's just a matter of time, bas."
However, not everyone managed to be so magnanimous. "Who the hell does he think he is, this Shah Rukh Khan?" lashed out the aggrieved bunch. "How can he turn down big producers like Feroz Khan and Yash Chopra and tell them he has no dates? He has no respect for his seniors, this insolent nobody from nowhere. Actors busier than him have done adjustments for big directors, yeh hai kya? What is he? Imagine asking for a complete script before signing a film. What is he here for, teaching directors their job? Iska kuchch nahin hoga. He is a mad guy. He is insane!"
He is eccentric. He is brash. He is impertinent, he is unabashed. He is a conceited bastard!
As independent as an insult. Disturbing, isn't it? You feel like smashing his sneering face and beating it out of shape. Shattering the immense audacity of his conceit.
The film industry has the great advantage of uniformity and unanimity. They are unanimous in their way of thinking, unanimous in their beliefs. Unshakeable. The cult is fiercely policed. Deviation of any kind is not tolerated. It is considered a transgression. An unforgivable offence. When a ray of light falls into a pigsty, it is the ray that shows us the filth. It is the ray that is offensive and must be destroyed.
The industry waited...
A year later. September 1992. Deewana is declared a superhit. Shah Rukh Khan has tasted the poison.
The producers are clamoring for him. The press is hounding him. He is a star, he is a star. There is praise and praise and praise. Flatterers encroach on his side of the fence... And the industry is waiting. Shah Rukh changed horses midstream. There is still a long way to the bank, after all.
"I tie my own shoelaces, if that is what you mean," he grinned. "I still insist on a complete script before I sign a film. And I still have not changed my mind about doing a limited number of films in a year. I still will not take away dates from lesser known producers and give priority to bigger producers. And I still believe that giving interviews is not part of my job," smiled Shah Rukh.
"Not in principle. I mean, if someone told me that they all do it and that's why I have to do it, then I'm sorry, I don't agree. Or if it's important for my career, then I'm sorry, I don't agree. I don't think I have to be on the cover or the center page of a magazine and pose with women to be a good actor. I don't think that if I beat my wife or have an extramarital affair or mount my dog, people won't come to my films. And if people stop coming to see me just because I beat my wife or make out with my dog, then I'm not half as good an actor as I think I am. I don't deserve to be an actor. I'd better get out of here.
I think this reputation that I've acquired of being an asshole or whatever; I owe it to the journalists who I refused to interview. What they don't understand is that I have nothing against them personally. It's just that I don't think it's part of my job in principle.
The first article you did with me a year ago helped me marry Gauri. Remember the problems I had. Gauri's parents were totally against our marriage. I don't blame them. I was everything parents don't want their daughters to be. I was an aspiring actor and a Muslim (Gauri is a Punjabi Hindu) with a reputation. But I guess your article helped them see me in a different light. I must thank you for that, I'm sorry I didn't get the chance earlier."
He looked more relaxed and calm than the last time I saw him. The anger, the bitterness, the confusion, seemed to have subsided. Looked like he had settled down. "I don't know what you mean by that," he looked up. "But yes, I am definitely more relaxed work-wise. The year has passed quickly. Out of my five films, four are almost ready. Good, bad, crappy, I have done my job. And I have had a hit too. My first release Deewana is a big success. And by the rules here, a successful film is a good film. I am not saying Deewana is not a good film. But it is not a great film either. And by great film, I do not mean one of those art films. I mean a film made with sincerity, without worrying about its fate at the box office. I know that film production involves a lot of money. I also understand the pressure on a producer, but the purpose should not just be to make money. The whole team should work in coordination. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I have too strong views about acting. Maybe I take it too seriously. And I think I haven't fitted in yet in that respect. Of course, I'm enjoying the success of Deewana. I'd be lying if I denied that. But I wish... I don't know... I didn't like myself in the film at all. I hated myself in it. I overdid it. I mean, sometimes a role sounds so different on paper and by the time it hits the screen, it has changed so much... Of course, nobody can say how a film will turn out in the end. But efforts should be made. One should enjoy the process more than the outcome."
Does enjoying the process mean that everyone, including the director, the dance director, the cameraman and the fight instructors, should only do what you think is right? Aren't they entitled to their own point of view?
"Of course, provided it is really their point of view," Shah Rukh shot back. "Look, if someone comes and tells me to do something in a certain way just because something similar has been done in such and such a film and it was successful, then I'm afraid I can't handle it. I will probably still do what you ask me to do. And I will try to do it perfectly. But don't expect me to enjoy it. And come on, acting is an art form, damn it. It is creative work. What is the point of doing something if your heart is not in it?
It was important for me that Deewana did well and I am very grateful to the producers and the director for that. And I love the fact that people liked me. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want people to love me. It's a great feeling, a high. But it still has nothing to do with what I think about the film. About the compromises I was forced to make.
They can't force me to say things I don't feel and not say things I feel. Maybe that's why I'm called brash and arrogant. And maybe that's why I feel like I'll never fit into their way of seeing things. That's rubbish, let me tell you. When a normal producer says he's making a commercial film, he's really making excuses for making a mediocre film.
There are very few people in the industry who are sincere and single-minded in their efforts to make a good film. And I hope I can work with them. I hope I can work in an atmosphere where people are as enthusiastic about their work as I am. Where a suggestion is not seen as interference. Where healthy discussion is encouraged. Where everyone cares about the interest of the film, not just ticket sales.
I could sign twenty films and make a lot of money and then spread my schedules by the hour. Wouldn't that be justified if it's just money that everyone wants to do? Or would you prefer me to be brash and arrogant and turn down producers so that I can do justice to the films I already have in hand. You say I don't respect my seniors. Maybe I won't do that if it means going around touching everyone's feet and calling them ji ji. Or if it means going to their offices to kill time when there is no work. I have a hundred better things to do. Does the industry prefer an actor who charges forty lakhs and then turns up to the studio four hours late. Or would it rather have a guy who asks his producer if the price he is asking for is viable for the project.
The system is completely skewed. Warped. And the producers are part of it. When they come to you, they are full of enthusiasm. 'Just give us two, two days in a month, we will manage.' But that's never how the work gets done. And such an arrangement can never be managed. Gradually the producer becomes greedier. He wants to complete the film faster, so you end up asking the other producers to make adjustments. And who suffers? The actor. He has to work round the clock because Producer A's set is hanging in the balance and Producer B's climax is being shot. And who gets discredited? The actor who worked like a madman. Who worked all night on one set and had to turn up the next morning for the next producer's shoot to complete his patchwork. The producers then forget that they should manage with the dates they were given.
Of course, I really understand their pressure. And I haven't reached the level yet where I say, screw it, let the producer lose his money! It bothers me when such things happen. I know that the producers of Deewana lost some money but they should have been a little more organised. I feel so guilty. And I'm sick of feeling guilty. I will never approach work like that. I can't do these double shifts and such crap. And more importantly than anything else, I need time for myself. I need a lot of space. I do
n't want to get up one morning after six years of making money by making crap films and neglecting my family, my wife and children, and say, 'Now I'm going to do only selective films. I'm going to give more time to my family. I missed out on my children growing up, I lost this and that for my career. Now I'm going to do meaningful and selective films and focus on my family.' I don't want to make such idiotic statements six years from now. Why shouldn't I do it now? Why should anything stop me from living my life the way I really want to?
I'm home after six if I'm not shooting at night. And at home I don't talk about work. I finish work and I'm home with my wife. At home I don't entertain anyone (professionally, I mean). When I'm home, the phone is off the hook. On Sundays I don't go to meetings. My wife comes first. And I can tell you this much, if I'm ever asked to choose between my career and Gauri, I'll leave the film.
It sounds very clichéd to say that I love her. It's not that she puts her fingers down and I fawn over her. It's not like that. I can't explain it... I don't have anyone else. ... I don't have parents... I don't have anyone except her and my sister. I mean, here in Bombay, she's my only human contact. I think it's more my strong selfish need for her than my love for her. I need her... I mean, I would go crazy without her. She's the only thing I have...
She was away for ten days recently and without her I was delirious. I didn't know what to do at home. I stayed awake until the wee hours of the morning. And the night she came back was even worse. The flight was at 3 am and I was sitting in the airport two hours before it arrived. The weather was horrible and I kept looking at the planes imagining a crash and what if the plane Gauri was in crashed... I lost my parents at too young an age and I am so paranoid about losing Gauri... I mean, she is the only one... My only human contact... You understand?
That's why she is so possessive of me. She knows what crap I have been through and I can snap. Not by having an affair... That is too small a thing... I would never allow such a temptation to come my way. And it wouldn't be a temptation either. I am quite abnormal in that respect. Physical relationships don't interest me. I don't get turned on by nudity. And apart from that, I love Gauri very much. It's not love as everyone calls it... I don't know if it makes sense but she is the only constant factor in my life. And I can't do it without her. I am quite an eccentric type, a different person, a cheeky arrogant bastard but she is the one person who has me by the balls.
I can be very selfish. But with her I am nothing. For the first time I am completely selfless... And apart from other things... I love her body... I am addicted to her... I think I am more possessive of her than she can ever be of me. Not in terms of who she talks to, what she does, where she does it, what she wears...
Some magazines wrote about Gauri's microminis. What a fuss, never mind that my wife wears microminis. She will go around naked if she likes, what has that got to do with me, Shah Rukh Khan, the actor. That's what I mean when I talk about some of these clowns of the press. I am not asking you for favours, so leave me alone. You can do what you like with people who are keen on publicity. It is a mutual relationship. But I am not going after the press. Why mess with me. Someone else hinted something about homosexuality. That is ridiculous."
Are you? I asked.
"Am I what," he replied. "Gay? No, I am not," he laughed. "The male ass is too hairy for my taste. The whole idea is too repulsive. It is another figment of a journalist's very fertile imagination. They wrote about Gauri not letting Vivek Vaswani into the house and such crap. All this is rubbish. They said that Vivek says he feeds me, my wife and my dog. Well, I don't think Vivek would say that (even though he talks a lot). But if he has, then yes, he fed me when I was new in Bombay and I was staying with him. And he fed my dog twice. So he is right.
But Vivek does not interfere with my professional decisions. I would tell him to fuck off if he even tries. Yes, as friends we may discuss something but that is on a personal level. In the professional field, it is different. He said he wants to do a film with me and I told him that he would have to wait till May and I would do his film if we agreed on the price, dates and script. It is as simple as that.
I know a lot of people are waiting for me to fall flat on my face. But I've stuck to most of the things I once believed and still believe. And that's the way it will stay. I came with a lot of self-respect and I want to be able to go back with that. I don't give a damn if people mistake my self-respect for arrogance. And if having convictions and standing by them is arrogance, then yes, I am arrogant.
Maybe in a few years I'll sing a different tune. Maybe my back will bend and maybe I'll learn to compromise. I don't know. Maybe the industry will be right. Film-wise I could be a one-hit wonder and I could be forced to make all kinds of crap films. But if that actually happens, that would be very sad. I'd rather be arrogant than mercenary."
But a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. The industry has seen stronger values take a beating. It has gleefully watched another, another, and another, bite the dust. This is the world of make-believe, where polished brass is considered more valuable than unpolished gold.
But don't let it go. Don't live to say you didn't try. You should enjoy the process, they said, more than the result. It doesn't matter that they're going to destroy it. What matters is that it existed.