Best actor – Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
"My role required a mature performance. I had never played a thirty-year-old father with an eight-year-old daughter before. And I was immediately reminded of my son Aryan when I held the little baby who was supposed to represent my child in the film. I really enjoyed doing Kuch Kuch Hota Hai."
My parents met under strange circumstances. My mother was injured in a car accident and needed a blood transfusion. My father, who was in the hospital at the time, donated her blood. That's how they fell in love. And even though he was a good eleven years older than me, her family agreed to their marriage since he had saved her life.
I was born at a time when my parents were not doing too well financially. But they didn't differentiate between my sister Shehnaz and me, although I think my sister was closer to them because she is six years older than me.
As a child, I performed at Ramleela, wrote short stories and shers which my father made me recite. I remember this aunty who once wore a horrible pink lipstick. I composed a cheesy poem in praise of her lipstick. I think she was secretly happy. I used to imitate actress Mumtaz and so many other people. I still do that today, only now I get paid for it!
My parents always let me do my own thing. They just wanted me to study properly, which I did. I could sleep whenever I wanted, go out anytime. But if I hit another child, my father would make sure I deal with the child's father myself. It made me realise that parents are not mere authority figures, they are friends.
Then my father got cancer. In the eight months of his illness, we lost everything we had. A single injection cost around Rs 5,000 and we had to arrange 23 injections in ten days. My mother worked day and night to raise the money. After my father's death in 1981, she revived his business and ran it efficiently.
She never turned down any of my demands. When I started college, I said I needed a car. The next day, she bought me a car. She also didn't force me to take over our company. When I told her I wanted to go into films, she didn't stop me. In fact, she encouraged me, I wanted to do my Masters in Film Production. She urged me to enroll in the National School of Drama, which I did. I remember in school, I used to be very bad in Hindi. I would get zero out of ten. And she said, "If you get ten out of ten, I will take you in a film." From that day on, every single time I topped the class in Hindi. I remember the first film she took me in, it was Dev Anand's Joshilay.
I inherited my sense of humour from my father. Once this lady from South India came and complained to my father, "Your son is molesting my daughter." He looked at her and said, "If she was as pretty as you and if I were as young as my son, I would probably do the same." She started laughing. He said it so sweetly and nicely, not at all in a lewd way.
When my father died, I did not cry. I was one of the pallbearers. But despite the fact that he had prepared me for his death, I felt betrayed. My mother's death made me realise that nothing is permanent. I cried a lot. And now nothing upsets me. That is why I don't care about anything. If I can live without her, then I can live without the fame, money and all that...
She had been sick. Her blood had become infected. But she was on the mend when she died. Suddenly. Just like that. It was very painful. The first time I prayed to God was when she was dying. But she died anyway.
She had taught me to be sensitive. She could be angry with people, but at the same time she would love them. Neither she nor my father ever hit me. They were gentle. My mother behaved like a true friend when I told her that I wanted to marry Gauri. She didn't even ask if the girl was a Muslim or Chinese.
I still believe that she is there somewhere, looking after me. Otherwise, I would not have all that I have. She is my speed dial to God because there is nothing in this world that I want and don't have. Whenever I am very happy, I cry because I cannot share my happiness with her.
However, I share my feelings with my sister Shehnaz, who lives with me. She is naive and sweet but can behave quite spoiled at times! In Shehnaz, I see definite traits of my father and mother. She has her tantrums. So I keep telling her, "You are just like mom." My sister used to be outgoing, but after our parents died, she became quiet and reserved.
My mother was not even against my relationship with Gauri. But Gauri's parents were totally against our marriage. So we continued our relationship in secret for six years. Once I even appeared incognito at her birthday party. I used the name Abhimanyu, which was given to me in my first TV serial Fauji. But when they found out who it was, all hell broke loose!
Gauri used to say, "Shah Rukh, you don't know my parents. You are taking it too lightly." And I used to console her and say that everything would turn out well in the end. I told her that in 10 years we would laugh about the tough times. And that is exactly what we are doing today.
Our wedding took place under strange circumstances. We called Gauri's parents from her aunt's house and claimed that we were already married. All hell broke loose and their house almost fell into mourning.
When I went to meet her family, I felt really guilty. But when I spoke to them, they came to the realisation that they had to accept our relationship. Finally, they relented and we decided to go through with the formal ceremonies. I really identify with that feeling when I do a film like Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge.
I could understand her apprehension. Imagine her announcing that she wants to marry this gruff looking guy who belongs to the wrong religion, has the wrong mindset and is in the wrong profession. There was nothing going in my favour.
We had to get married in a civil ceremony anyway as our marriage was a mixed marriage. There was a problem because some Muslim organisations felt that I should not marry a Hindu. They organised protest meetings outside my house. Of course, we didn't let this come in the way of our happiness. We wanted our marriage to be short and sweet, but Gauri's parents also wanted a Hindu wedding. I gave in to the idea that you only get married once! We had a few guests from the film industry, just Rajiv Mehra, Viveck Vaswani, Aziz Mirza and GP Sippy. Juhi and her mom threw a party for us when we came to Mumbai.
During the wedding ceremony, I stood on my toes and refused to let Gauri put the garland around my neck! This was my only chance to see a wedding so closely (I attend very few functions), so I asked the pandit to explain everything. The ritual went on for hours.
When it was time for the bidaai (bride leaving her parents' house), Gauri sat in the car and started crying. Before long, her mother started crying and her father and brother followed. Then I said in all seriousness that if they all felt so bad, they could keep her at home and I would come visit her regularly!
After knowing each other for seven years, we spent the night together for the first time. Before that, we were always afraid of being seen together, even on a walk. So it was an exciting feeling to know that when I woke up in the morning, she would be lying next to me.
I love Gauri because she is honest. She also complements me. She teaches me to be diplomatic. She kept telling me that I say too many things I shouldn't. Most people don't know me well enough, so they misunderstand me completely. It's better to keep your mouth shut. She taught me to turn off the lights before going to bed, to eat in the right place, to put my clothes in their right place. She also taught me to dress properly. She turned me from an animal into a man. And she doesn't like me because of my successes. She likes me because I make her laugh.
I respect Gauri because she is a woman and the mother of my son. I want my son Aryan to be a badmash. He should do all the wrong things when he is 16 so that he can calm down after that. When I have a daughter, I will give her all the love that is stored in me. I will take her to the parties she is invited to. When she is in the back of our car with her boyfriend, I will sit behind the wheel and drive her around. Of course, Gauri will think I am quite mad for telling her all this!
My parents were my friends. So I will be the best friend to my children too.
The only regret I have in life is that my mother never really saw my work as an actor. She wasn't there when I won my first award. But no, she must have seen it from wherever she is now. I miss her a lot. I like to think that she has become a star. So whenever I am very sad, I just go out on the terrace and cry.