Oh Darling, Yeh Hai Shah Rukh – The actor unplugged
Khalid Mohamed
The news is spreading. In the corridors of studios, in the offices of the film industry and in the editorial offices of the media, Shah Rukh Khan is the talk of the day. In addition to his hectic schedule, he has spent tense hours in Nanavati Hospital. His sister has been admitted to the intensive care unit... after a few anxious days, her condition is reportedly stable.
What I wanted to say is that life has not always been a bed of roses for the 29-year-old actor. With success and the increasing interest in his services, he has become a bit of a marathon runner on a jog. No sleep, no time to sit and marvel, no bowing to the accepted norms of authority, the 'yes boss' behaviour of filmland. Almost like Lewis Carroll's Alice, he navigates a strange world of improbable sights and impulsive inhabitants.
When I arrive at his lake-view apartment in Bandra on a weekday afternoon, I am already mentally prepared for an isomorphic Mad Hatters party. Exchanging illogical statements and absurdities over a pot of pekoe and ginger biscuits. Maybe. As it turns out, I find Shah in an unusually reserved mood. As Tanita Tikaram would say, there is a touch of seriousness in his mood and expression today.
He is packing for a European shoot for Aditya Chopra's Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. He doesn't really want to go... aah, the joys of club class travel are not for him. He would rather be with his sister. But the doctors have assured him that everything is OK... Duty calls... and so it is the next London-Geneva-Paris-Rome flight for the brother, who must contain his emotional turmoil.
After debating the merits of a hot tea or a chilled drink on a damp afternoon, we settle for a chai. I am more concerned about his time management than he is. "Look, I won't take too long," I mutter. "That's OK... I have time," he replies, even as the phone cries out like an angry infant demanding its bottle. As expected, Kabira, his devoted Shukravar (Friday, see Robinson Crusoe) makes a cameo appearance. He smiles friendly and walks over to the airy terrace.
Without further ado, I ask:
All kinds of stories are circulating about your sister being hospitalised. Could you tell me what really happened?
We come from a broken background. We have no one else. Yet I still have faith in the world... that they will not make a mockery of other people's misfortunes. I push myself, will continue to push myself, clinging to an unreal hope that everything will be OK in the end. I don't think I use acting as an outlet for what is going on inside me... I just try not to think by throwing myself into work, work and more work. And yet I am worried, I worry about my sister. Shahnaz Lala Rukh is five years older than me... she looks younger though. She is the more sensitive, she was the spoiled one of us. Just when she had become very close to our mother... mother died.
I had broken a rib during the shoot, was rushed to the hospital and was bandaged all over. Mum had died in hospital... we just don't get along with hospitals. Shahnaz was very upset as I was injured. I came home at 3am that night and she was still awake. After that she was still worried and didn't sleep for three nights in a row. She wouldn't take a sleeping pill either. She hardly wanted to eat. She was dehydrated, her potassium level dropped drastically and she collapsed.
What made it even more serious was that she hit her head badly on the floor as she fell. A CT scan had to be done, luckily everything was OK. Nothing happened. Once her biochemistry returns to normal she will hopefully be discharged from hospital and she will meet me in London at the end of the month.
Do you feel all grown up and responsible now?
Ha! I don't know about it. I still love playing with toys. (Snaps fingers) I turn into a child, just like that; everyone even threatens me as if I were a child. I'm a spoiled brat who smokes too much, talks too much. Except for occasional fears, life hasn't been too hard on me, I have no reason to complain. But whenever I get introspective, I feel quite grown up. I remind myself that I'm an adult.
And I have the satisfaction of knowing that I've never been wrong. I've never hurt anyone intentionally or unintentionally. I've had setbacks because I'm a good guy. Yes, believe me... you don't need to raise your eyebrows. I don't take care of my house; it happens automatically. (He moves confusingly from one couch to another) Look, I have a wife, two dogs, food in the fridge... and four Filmfare Awards in three years. I want to win 16 and break Kamal Haasan's record.
Can you ever sit still?
No, I can't. I'm always hyperactive. But I can force myself into a static position; I can convince myself that I'm dead. (Leans back on the couch) See, I can lie down like that for hours, raising my hand only for a cigarette or a thumbs up. But I can never sleep in the afternoon. Even at night, my mind only dozes for about three or four hours. Mahesh Bhatt tells me that I suffer from workaholism. It's okay for me. When I'm not acting, I'm either fixing the roof, tinkering with the AC or the doorbell.
Have you been contaminated in any way by the film industry?
Excuse me... do you think I have? No, no, no, I don't think so at all. Nobody has said to me that I have changed in any way. Perhaps nobody has said a word against me because I have not yet delivered a series of failures. The day I do, I will be accused of all sorts of things. That I have grown too big for my boots... if that happens, I will deal with it. At this moment, I see myself as an Easy Rider.
It is believed that Dilip Kumar is upset with you because of your cheeky remarks.
Is he? This is news to me. I don't think I have ever made any cheeky remark about him.
Then what happened to Ramesh Sippy's project with Dilip Kumar and you?
Mr. Sippy told me that Dilipsaab would do it after completing Kalinga... but that took a while. After that, he will seriously consider the offer. That's why Mr. Sippy started Zamaana Deewana in the meantime. He said "Chalo, quickie kar lete hain." (Let's make a quick film). I really hope Dilipsaab takes up the project. We are very keen on this film. Till it happens, Mr. Sippy will carry on with his other projects. Like his next film with Nana Patekar and me.
There was no problem between Dilip Kumar and you?
Asking me that gives me too much weight. It gives me a status that I don't deserve. When I am an old man, he will be 100. Still, I will persist, I will keep hoping that I will get to play with him one day. Whenever I have met him, he has been very kind and cordial. He pats me on the cheek. Dilipsaab doesn't know, but his slaps are pretty hard.
In the beginning, there was a feeling that you were aping Dilip Kumar. Comparisons were made.
When I aped Dilip Kumar, I think I did a damn good job. I don't like comparisons with A, B, C or Z. Also, such comparisons diminish the stature of a great actor. He has been around for so long.
But my hero is Amitabh Bachchan. My generation grew up on his films. At times I can't believe it is happening to me - the crowds that queued up for Dilip Kumar and Amitabh Bachchan's films are now queuing up for me. I am proud that I became an actor and nothing else. In five years, the day I start copying myself, I will be the greatest. I am waiting for the moment when others will start saying, "Okay, let's do this scene Shah Rukh style..." At that moment they say, "Okay, do the scene the way Amitabh did it in Deewar..." By the way, I am crazy about a scene in Shakti where Dilip Kumar doesn't give any meaningful dialogue or anything. He just gives a common line, "Aap kya kar rahen hain janab" to give Amitabh time to reach him in the room where they are standing. Now that's acting.
Do you ever feel down? Has your spirit ever been broken by what you have experienced?
No, no, I never feel down. And I'm not going to change. I have to be myself. Life is too short; I want to do much, much more. As far as I'm concerned, I've only just begun. I feel like I've just gotten out of kindergarten, feel like I've just entered the first grade of school.
Who do you see as your closest rival?
Nobody. No competition for me.
Have you admired any performance by a colleague?
You mean recently?
Yes.
(Thinks) Aamir Khan in Dil Hai Ke Maanta Nahin... Nana (Patekar) in Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman, more than in Krantiveer. And Kamal Haasan in Appu Raja. I want to be like Kamal Haasan. I saw him, I met him and asked him if I could touch him. I took the physical aspect of my acting from him... you know, if I have to stumble or fall, I will do it like Kamal Haasan. And I can never forget how he ran in Sadma. I used that in Darr when I run and hit a pole... that's straight out of Sadma.
Have you ever disliked yourself on screen?
Yes, in Karan Arjun. I was completely lost, I didn't know if I was coming or going. I am very timid about just being a hero. There I was dancing to Jaati hoon main and then I growl, "Maar daloonga saala tujhe..."
What does a hero even have to do? He just has to say... "Maa... hey Kaalia... then look into the heroine's eyes and mutter Tumhari aankhen mujhe madhosh kar deti hain, haaai... then it's one two three Yeh kaali kaali aankhen... and then dishum phatak dhood dhum .. and that's it." If it hadn't been for Rakesh Roshan and Salman Khan, I would have gone mad. They said they wanted the film to be a hit, they said do it, believe us. I believed them and they were right. Karan Arjun was a hit.
Why are film heroes afraid of acting?
They are afraid of losing their hero image. After all, their heroic deeds in films are what made them heroes. I did Baazigar, Darr and Anjaam to be different. But then came a point when they too became a formula. I still live with K...K...Kiran and B...B...Baazigar. I am reminded of them every day on the streets and in the studios. As far as I am concerned, jo ho gaya so ha gaya (done is done). I have to evolve, do something different. I cannot live with one role for too long. In six months, I get fed up with one role. After six months of shooting for a film, I get fed up with everyone in the crew. I make their lives hell, I try to push them and get the film to an end.
Can you imagine life without acting?
Yes and no. If I can't act, I would like to teach acting. I would like to give advice; I would like to be a sounding board.
What advice would you give to your colleagues, say Aamir Khan?
I would really like to tell him to just go for a year and go crazy. Do everything you haven't done before. He is very passionate and methodical about his work. Maybe he could even do more if he let himself go, really let himself go.
Last question. Do you ever use your head when you play?
Oh, oh, oh. That's weird. And I'll answer that by saying I think with my heart. I never use my head per se. Maybe I will when my body can't handle the strain anymore. I'll think twice, three times, four times, because it's the way to please people. I'll get manipulative and clever. Do
n't raise your eyebrows again now. Because you know what? I won't be able to manipulate, I'll just screw everything up... does that make sense?
No.
Ha! How could I? I told you I never use my head.